sweet tea, arnold palmers
sipping slipping southern style
the banyan trees waving goodbye in the sweet breeze
to the goodbye girl
tanning rub, pink chablis
is all that she left for me
the rolling waves off the sound rummble
for the goodbye girl
shells sink dreams float
when there's nothing left but hope
as I say goodbye
to the goodbye girl
she was such a good girl (goodbye)
speeding with me down the A1A
georgian themes and venetian schemes
written in the sand are the only things left
the only things left to be found
a smoking scar, a burning marr
and
she was such a good girl
speeding away like james dean
such a good girl
goodbye
goodbye
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125,021 Literary Works • 672,740 Reviews
Hey there Caligula's Launderette.
At one point in a RevMo awhile ago, I was reviewing a lot of your pieces while on the hunt to clear the green room archives. And now that I've come across your pieces again, I have a greater appreciation for your style of imagery. I was instantly drawn into this poem by your first couple of lines because the imagery reminded me of experiences from my own life.
These are the two sets of lines that reminded me the most of my own experiences. With so little detail and maybe detail that would seem out there to many folks - I could just feel that particular interaction. And also the heartfelt good bye of loosing someone, with all of the possible drama that could be included.
I saw that this was still in the editing process and I will note that your wording feels off at some times. One such point is the use of "sipping slipping", which doesn't quite connect right. Another point comes at your line of description about "the rolling waves off the sound rummble" and I'm not sure if the typo was on purpose or not. Compared to some of your other poems, the wording in this one isn't as heavy, even if the content still holds a lot of emotional weight.
I like this one. It just needs a little bit of reworking.
Happy November 2019.
- Jack